4 Years Ago

4 years ago today (on a Sunday), Racquel went to wake Brenna to help get her ready for church. I remember laying in my bed. I felt really peaceful, but something did not seem right. Then I heard Racquel yelling for me to come to Brenna's room. I knew something was wrong. I ran to her room. Brenna was laying on her bed lifeless. I immediately began CPR like I had done many times before, but this time it did not seem to be working. Racquel called 911. Soon the paramedics arrived and they took over. I stepped out of Brenna's room. I remember looking into Brenna's room seeing Brenna's body laying on the floor while the paramedics tried to revive her. Thinking to myself, "Why is this happening?" I went down stairs and told my kids what just happened and I think that Brenna just passed away. My brother and Bishop came over and helped us through these moments. The paramedics took Brenna to the Jordan Valley Hospital. Racquel and I drove to the hospital. One of the people at the hospital met with Racquel and me in one of the rooms and told us that Brenna had died. I can honestly say that was the worst day of my life. The days that shortly followed were difficult as well. Lots of emotions. Lots of things to ponder. Lots of questions.
I remember thinking in the days that followed, "Where was my miracle, where was God's mercy and love?" As I think back, we have had many miracles. The day that Brenna was born was a miracle. The day that she came out of her self-induced coma was a miracle. That happened on a Fast Sunday and our ward had a special fast. Many prayers and fasts were answered that day. That was a miracle. The many times she recovered from stays in the hospital were miracles. One time during the Christmas season, someone showed up on our door and said some person told me to give this to you. It was an envelope full of money. That was a miracle. Racquel and I wanted to get Brenna a powered wheelchair but money was tight. One day, Racquel was pushing Brenna across the street in a manual wheelchair. A stranger that was driving by, stopped and talked to Racquel. He said that his father had just passed away and had a powered wheelchair (barely used). This man gave Brenna that powered wheelchair. That was a miracle. Brenna got a 4.0 on her last report card. That was a miracle. All the support from family and friends. Those are miracles. I could go on and on. 
I want to mention one other miracle...Jesus's atoning sacrifice, death and resurrection. I can't even imagine the suffering that the Savior endured in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the Doctrine and Covenants it says, "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink".
In the Book of Mormon we read the following. 
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities".
Jesus went through this because it was the will of His Father and because of His great love for us. In the New Testament we read of God's love for us, "for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life"
So where is my miracle? Where is God's love and mercy? Because of God the Father and Jesus and what they did for me and my family, I will see Brenna again and we will be an eternal family. We will all rise from the grave. On that day I will once again hold in my arms my sweet Brenna. That is a miracle, perhaps the greatest of all miracles and the greatest demonstration of love and mercy.
Typically one would say "God be with you (Brenna) until we meet again". But I know that Brenna has been "taken home to that God who gave [her] life" and that she has been "received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where [she] shall rest from all [her] troubles and from all care, and sorrow." So I think it would be more appropriate to say "God be with us until we meet again".
Brenna, I love you!
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