Brenna

Happy 19th Birthday!

2012-01-05T15:33:29Z

I miss you more than ever! Love you Brenna!

5 Years Ago Today

2011-11-06T04:36:00Z

Our sweet neighbors have lost two of their four children. They can and did share the same thoughts and feelings as we have on Brenna's Heavenly Birthday. Thanks Stacie for wording it so perfectly and letting me plagiarize....(re-worded for our sweet angel)...

5 years ago today, a part of my heart was broken that has never healed....I love you Brenna and miss you every single day. I try to remember that even though each day is one day further from the last time I saw you, it's one day closer to the next time I will.

Thank heaven for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. Can't imagine losing a loved one without it.

This past year has been the hardest for me because I totally pictured her in high school. She may have limped a little from her atrophy but walking down the halls without her oxygen. She would have been so beautiful with her long blonde curly hair (she loved to dye it red in middle school.) She would brighten everyone's day and made people smile and laugh every time she walked into a room. She would be all the teachers' pet and have been voted Homecoming queen. She would have gotten straight A's, of course.

Kenney Chesney wrote a song that makes me bawl like a baby every time I hear it. "Who You'd Be Today" It is so sweet. Love the very last line the most.

Memorial Day

2011-06-01T04:01:18Z

We visit Brenna's gravesite every year on Memorial Day. We take flowers and maybe balloons. We love to see the gathering of flora that others have left in memory of our sweet angel. It means so much to us that others still remember her. But, really, we don't visit the gravesite much more often than in May, November 5th and January 5th. When we do go visit, it is just a motion. We know that she is not there. She is off doing a wonderful missionary work, busy as a bee. She used to always tell us she wanted to serve a mission in Mexico. When she passed away, that same week, there was a large club in Mexico that burned down and killed many people. Gordon mentioned that she must be really excited to share her stong testimony with those spirits from Mexico just entering the spirit world. I'm sure she converted them with her sweet smile and loving personality. We miss everything about her. When we do want to feel her near, it is not at Wasatch Lawns. She is in our home. She is with us always. And when we want to really feel her spirit, we go to the temple. Her mortal body lay in wait of a wonderful morning when it will be reunited with her sweet spirit again. I can't wait to see her again and hug her and look into her beautiful blue eyes and hear her laugh like she always did. We love you Brenna!

Happy 18th Birthday

2011-01-05T14:28:57Z

Happy 18th Brenna even though time does not really matter for you anymore. Today your mom and I are going to the temple to celebrate your birthday. I'm sure you will be there.

True Meaning of Christmas

2010-12-23T22:57:44Z

l like this article and it expresses how I feel about Christmas.

http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19013/How-death-made-my-17th-Christmas-feel-like-my-very-first?s_cid=newsline

4 Years Ago

2011-11-06T22:41:25Z

4 years ago today (on a Sunday), Racquel went to wake Brenna to help get her ready for church. I remember laying in my bed. I felt really peaceful, but something did not seem right. Then I heard Racquel yelling for me to come to Brenna's room. I knew something was wrong. I ran to her room. Brenna was laying on her bed lifeless. I immediately began CPR like I had done many times before, but this time it did not seem to be working. Racquel called 911. Soon the paramedics arrived and they took over. I stepped out of Brenna's room. I remember looking into Brenna's room seeing Brenna's body laying on the floor while the paramedics tried to revive her. Thinking to myself, "Why is this happening?" I went down stairs and told my kids what just happened and I think that Brenna just passed away. My brother and Bishop came over and helped us through these moments. The paramedics took Brenna to the Jordan Valley Hospital. Racquel and I drove to the hospital. One of the people at the hospital met with Racquel and me in one of the rooms and told us that Brenna had died. I can honestly say that was the worst day of my life. The days that shortly followed were difficult as well. Lots of emotions. Lots of things to ponder. Lots of questions.

I remember thinking in the days that followed, "Where was my miracle, where was God's mercy and love?" As I think back, we have had many miracles. The day that Brenna was born was a miracle. The day that she came out of her self-induced coma was a miracle. That happened on a Fast Sunday and our ward had a special fast. Many prayers and fasts were answered that day. That was a miracle. The many times she recovered from stays in the hospital were miracles. One time during the Christmas season, someone showed up on our door and said some person told me to give this to you. It was an envelope full of money. That was a miracle. Racquel and I wanted to get Brenna a powered wheelchair but money was tight. One day, Racquel was pushing Brenna across the street in a manual wheelchair. A stranger that was driving by, stopped and talked to Racquel. He said that his father had just passed away and had a powered wheelchair (barely used). This man gave Brenna that powered wheelchair. That was a miracle. Brenna got a 4.0 on her last report card. That was a miracle. All the support from family and friends. Those are miracles. I could go on and on.

I want to mention one other miracle...Jesus's atoning sacrifice, death and resurrection. I can't even imagine the suffering that the Savior endured in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the Doctrine and Covenants it says, "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink".

In the Book of Mormon we read the following.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities".

Jesus went through this because it was the will of His Father and because of His great love for us. In the New Testament we read of God's love for us, "for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

So where is my miracle? Where is God's love and mercy? Because of God the Father and Jesus and what they did for me and my family, I will see Brenna again and we will be an eternal family. That is a miracle, perhaps the greatest of all miracles and the greatest demonstration of love and mercy.

Typically one would say "God be with you (Brenna) until we meet again". But I know that Brenna has been "taken home to that God who gave [her] life" and that she has been "received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where [she] shall rest from all [her] troubles and from all care, and sorrow." So I think it would be more appropriate to say "God be with us until we meet again".

Brenna, I love you!

What Easter and Our Family Reunion have in Common

2010-04-04T16:36:20Z

It's probably no surprise that Easter has become my favorite Holiday. On this day we remember that Jesus defeated death by His Resurrection. What does this mean for me and my family? Even though death physically separates us from Brenna, we know that it will not be forever. There will be a day when we will be reunited with Brenna. I think about that reunion every day. It is Jesus and His Resurrection that will make that day a reality for our family. That is what Easter means for our family.

On a slightly different topic. I really enjoyed Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk on priesthood blessings and healing the sick. I have given Brenna many priesthood blessings. She has benefited from these blessings and I feel that it has helped her and even extended her life. However, there are times when I ask myself why I could not heal her completely and save her from death. Was I not worthy enough? Did I not exercise enough faith? General Conference and specifically Elder Oaks helped me realize a few important things. There was an abundance of faith to heal Brenna when I consider the following...

the many people (family and friends) that have prayed and fasted for her
the many times she has been on the temple prayer roll
the couple of times that I know of where she had been on the prayer roll of the First Presidency (Gordon B. Hinckley, Thomas S. Monson, James E. Faust)

There is no doubt in my mind that there was enough faith. Was I worthy? I am by no means perfect, but I feel that I try to live the Gospel as best I can. I always feel that there is room for improvement. We all have sin and we all fall short of the Glory of God. Where I fall short, I have my Saviour to make up for the difference as long as I repent and improve.

Elder Oaks reminded me that It was Brenna's time to return to her Heavenly Father. It was His Will.

So knowing that it was the will of Heavenly Father that she return to Him and knowing that I will see Brenna again because of Jesus Christ and His Resurrection helps lift the burden of her death. The message of Easter brings peace and hope in our home.

We do not mourn as those without hope

2010-01-17T23:19:51Z

Now, there is not a moment that goes by where I don’t mourn the loss of my daughter. But because of the Resurrection, Joseph Smith said, that “we do not mourn as those without hope.” Brigham Young added, “But could we have knowledge and see into eternity, if we were perfectly free from the weakness, blindness, and lethargy with which we are clothed in the flesh, we should have no disposition to weep or mourn (DBY, 370). All of us can become renewed and strengthened by the blessings of the Resurrection. The sons of Mosiah demonstrated this courage. Their conviction of the future resurrection of Jesus gave them courage to face death with no fear. The scriptures record, “They never did look upon death with any degree of terror, for their hope and views of Christ and the resurrection; therefore, death was swallowed up to them by the victory of Christ over it” (Alma 27:28).

Embraced By God's Love

2010-01-11T16:09:47Z

From the first time that Brenna slipped into a semi unconscious state (Brenna was in a semi coma for about 2 weeks the first time) and during the several times it happened to her up until her passing, I can't help but think that Brenna was embraced by God's love. And every time but the last time she came back to us.

The following is from her Uncle Karl's talk at her funeral.

"The lord states in D&C 6: 20:

20 …Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.

I can not help but think that every time she left us she ran into his loving arms, he counseled her, he comforted her, he said “Brenna I love you!” she returned again to her mortal home to touch our tender hearts one more time and remind us that our heavenly father loves us and wishes us to return home knowing we did all we could do in this life."

Thanks Brenna and I love you!

Happy 17th Birthday

2010-01-06T14:00:51Z

Today we celebrated Brenna's 17th birthday by going to the Jordan River Temple. We always have a unique and spiritual experience when we go on Brenna's birthday; probably because we know Brenna is with us. Today, the entire session was not only in audio/video but also in sign language since there was a big group of deaf people. It was amazing and the deaf people were a great example to me. I'm sure Brenna loved it.

Happy Birthday Brenna! We love and miss you.

It's been 3 years

2009-11-05T17:24:50Z

It has been 3 years since Brenna left us. I have looked at this several ways...

I am 3 years closer to seeing her.

She has been on her mission for 3 years and I don't know when she'll be home. She does not write often.

It has been 3 years since Brenna has finished her time in mortality and has returned home to "a state of happiness...a state of peace" where she has been resting from all her "troubles, and from all care, and sorrow". What a great feeling for her and her parents to know that she passed the tests of mortality. As her father, I don't worry about where she is or what she is doing or how she is feeling.

She is 3 years closer to her Resurrection.

Still...It really hasn't gotten any easier without Brenna. I miss her terribly. But I am so grateful for the "Plan of Happiness" and my knowledge and testimony of this plan. I am grateful for eternal families and that Brenna continues to be a part of our family and will be forever. I am grateful for our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement and Resurrection that makes eternal families possible.

Brenna, I love you and can't wait to hold you in my arms again.

Eternal truths can comfort us when loved ones die

2009-10-04T13:25:03Z

It is 2 Years and 331 Days since Brenna passed away and I miss her more then ever. It still hurts! I'm greatful for eternal truths that still give me comfort.

Here are some great truths from the teachings of Heber J. Grant...

"How bitter must be the suffering and grief of those who see nothing beyond the grave except the beginning of eternal night and oblivion. For them that thus believe, death hath its sting and the grave its victory. To them, even the glory of this earth is but the last flickering of a candle in unending blackness. But, to the man of faith, death is but the taking up again of the life he broke off when he came to this earth."

"It is a very great blessing that in the providences of the Lord and in the revelations that have been given by our Father in heaven, we have the assurance that the spirit and the body, in due time, will be reunited, notwithstanding the unbelief that there is in the world today—and there certainly is great skepticism and unbelief in relation to this matter. But notwithstanding this, we have assurance through the revelations that have been given by the Lord our God, that that is the purpose of God, that the body and the spirit shall be eternally united and that there will come a time, through the blessing and mercy of God, when we will no more have sorrow but when we shall have conquered all of these things that are of a trying and distressing character, and shall stand up in the presence of the living God, filled with joy and peace and satisfaction."

Happy Birthday Brenna

2009-11-05T16:21:19Z

We can’t believe Brenna would have been 16 today! And in high school! She would have been a beautiful redhead (color of choice) & the sweetest friend to all 5,000 students there! I’m sure they would have voted her Homecoming Queen! Her Oma, who spoiled her rotten, would have been part in her dream car…a burnt orange Pontiac Sunfire. But, like her Aunt Alicia said, “Imagine what she is driving now!” She doesn’t need a car when not tied to mortal strings. She is jumping & dancing & singing!

We are, too, because today is the day we were blessed with you! (It was a terrible snowstorm 16 years ago too!) We are blessed to be her parents. Jordan, Aaron, Kaleb & Hannah are blessed to be her siblings. All of us are blessed to have part in her mortal existence. She brought us so much joy with her laugh & her smile & her soooo sweet personality.

Every year, we are going to celebrate her birthday by trying to be closest to her…at the temple. We are doing a 6:00 PM session on Wednesday the 7th @ the Jordan River temple for anyone who would like to join us.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET ANGEL! Can’t wait to see you again!

Your mom & dad

Angels We Have Heard on High

2009-10-01T11:52:30Z

I have not really shared this before. I remember the Christmas before Brenna was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She was 8 years old and was participating in the ward christmas party. She and some of the girls in her primary class were dressed in white as angels and sang "Angels We Have Heard on High" to celebrate the birth of the Savior. Brenna was really never known for her singing, but durring this performace she truly sounded angelic. As I listened, I had a strong feeling that Brenna truly sang at the actual birth of the Savior and that the same angels that sang with her, were helping her at this Christmas performance. And perhaps they strengthened her and prepared her for what she would endure the next 4 years. I really miss my Brenna, but I know she is always with us and watching over us. I know we will be with her again.

Drugs R Not The Answer

2009-10-02T15:37:20Z

If you are reading this for the first time, please start at the bottom to read the beginning of Brenna's journey.

Entry from my journal in 2002:

Saturday, May 4^th, in the morning when the docs made their rounds, they were scratching their heads about it all when dad (totally inspired) requested that you be taken off all the meds they had you on. Dr. Maloney didn’t want to at first. But then he said, “If you are willing to help with her care while she comes down off all the meds, we’ll do it.” He meant if we were there to help hold you down while you thrashed. Of course we would! We have been there every hour since you were admitted. They couldn’t take you off the degadron (steroids) because they might be doing surgery for the tumor and it has to be taken down in lowered doses. And they couldn’t take you off Fentenyl because it is an addictive drug. They had to give you increasing doses of Methadone to reach the level of Fentenyl and then bring them both down together. I couldn’t believe it! They had turned my daughter into a drug addict! That Saturday afternoon, mom and dad had to coach soccer games for your brothers. Aunt Alicia who was in town from Lake Powell, and G’ma Joyce sat with you. Well, just after the games, we got a call from G’ma Joyce telling us you just had a seizure. They had tried to give you Ketamine, a pain killer, because you still had the ventilator tube in. You didn’t like that very much either and you had a mild seizure. It was just the tensing up kind. But that’s how we found out you were allergic to that drug. The drug allergy list kept growing.

But you still had a ways to go to come down off the drugs. You still got agitated and threw some fits. Cory, your most awesome nurse, reminded me when mom was staying with you and you were very agitated and not having a good night. We both tried to calm you down by rubbing your head and your feet and playing music and reading to you and hugging you. Cory happened to pop in a Pokemon movie. Your eyes wandered over to the movie and they became glued to it. It calmed you down immensely. Mom took a snooze and Cory kept popping in the Pokemon movies. When the movie stopped, you started throwing a fit. So Cory had one movie rewinding so he could pop it in quick when the one you were watching ended. We had found a non-drug sedative!

Angels for Brenna

2009-10-02T15:39:33Z

Gordon and I were praying and fasting for answers. Along with our family, friends, ward family, and even people we didn’t know who were invited by friends to pray for Brenna in their own faiths. It was a very ‘close to the Spirit’ time for us. Gordon said his own prayers and I am grateful he listens for direction.

We were very frustrated with the docs as they had no answers for us and didn’t seem to know what to do next.

On about 8^th day in PICU, we were meeting with the head doc, and Gordon stated, with a surety, “We want you to take Brenna off all the medications she is receiving.” Well, of course, the head doc was taken aback and fought us on this decision. He said he would only take her off if we would be there 24/7 to help with the reactions she might have coming off the serious drugs they put into her. She was on a medication, I think it was Fentanyl, that they couldn’t take her off of unless they administered increasing doses of Methadone up to a certain level and then brought them both down simultaneously. It was amazing the amount of drugs they so readily introduce to such a little body.

All the while, Brenna was on a ventilator. We wanted that out so bad. The docs kept telling us that was not possible unless Brenna regained her gag reflex. They would always stick their tongue depressors down her throat with no reaction. We were frustrated. And apparently, Brenna was fed up with it too.

On day 10 in the PICU, it was a Sunday. Gordon and I were at Brenna’s side with a visit from our family friend, Paul. Brenna started chewing on the ventilator tube and the docs told us if she bit through it, the end would go into her lungs and they would have to do emergency surgery to get it out. So they tried bite guards in the back of her teeth. But she kept biting and grinding so hard, she would bite her cheeks and blood started dripping out the sides of her mouth. We were so frantic. We insisted the docs take out the ventilator. Again, he stated, “only if there is a gag.” So he stuck his stick down her throat and she gagged! So out the tube came. After all the hullabaloo, and the docs left, Brenna opened her eyes, looked up at me and smiled the biggest smile. We cried. It was a miracle. Our nurse snapped a Polaroid of the moment.

Later that week, we were told by Gordon’s sister, who lived across the street from us, truly why we were blessed with that miracle.

Our wonderful bishop, Bishop Holloman, asked our ward to fast for Brenna that very Sunday. Sacrament meeting was first and I heard it was a beautiful meeting. At the end of the meeting, Bishop Holloman got up to speak. But he was crying so hard, he had to sit down and write down his thoughts. His counselor read it for him. It went something like this: “There is such a special spirit in this chapel today. I see angels all about the room.” Sacrament meeting ended at noon and those angels flew right up to Primary Children’s Hospital and told Brenna to wake up. She began the ventilator issue about 12:15.

We were so blessed to witness another modern day miracle in our Brenna’s journey.

The First of Many Miracles

2009-10-02T15:42:17Z

We flew up to PCMC as fast as you can in a Chevy Suburban. We didn’t beat LifeFlight, however. When we arrived at Brenna’s bedside in the PICU, she had about 12 tubes and lines hooking into her including a ventilator to help her breathe. We had never seen a picture quite like this before and especially on our child. We were astounded. We were led to a consultation room (which we grew to hate) where the docs all come in and ask questions and tell us things we never thought we’d hear.

They did an MRI and told us she was like a drowning victim who suffered an ‘hypoxic injury’ (went without oxygen for a bit.) She had some brain damage-but it was correctable. They determined that the tumor had nothing to do with this incident and would worry about that at a much later date. OK. When you hear ‘cancer,’ don’t you picture immediate action? It was kind of strange to put cancer on the back burner for 4 months.

I guess the Lord knows what he is doing because, what we went through the next 6 weeks, my soul could not take on dealing with both situations. But, Gordon’s strength in his priesthood and faith in God helped me be strong and have pure hope for Brenna’s future. We just dove in and did what needed to be done. I remember a mom of another PICU child whom I talked and laughed with for a bit. A little later she brought Brenna a balloon and shared with me that I helped her deal with her situation because I could laugh.

She spent 10 days in PICU on roughly 9 meds at one time, on a ventilator, and a feeding tube. Gordon’s twin brother, Karl, who lived in NY at the time, caught the next flight to SLC and was there with Gordon and Brenna constantly. He was a welcome strong shoulder for Gordon. Those who know my husband know he is a very quiet private person. He is a problem solver (computer programmer) and he was very vexed that he couldn’t solve this one. Having Karl there for him was so heart touching. He brought Brenna a stuffed Tigger and laid it in bed next to her. She loved that Tigger.

The frustrating thing was that the meds were supposed to sedate and calm her. But, her eyes would suddenly open and she would thrash in her bed like a recovering drug addict. It was not good for all the tubes and needles poking into her, so they tied her wrists and ankles to the bed so she wouldn’t move around so much. It was heart breaking. I remember one time, we had this FABULOUS nurse named Kory. He was a tall, dark, and hand…oops, big guy. Ute was sitting with Brenna while I ran an errand. And, upon my return, I came upon one of Brenna’s thrashing episodes and both she and Kory were trying to hold Brenna down. When it ended, they were both sweating. Brenna is a very strong girl!

Gordon and I went to the temple about 4 days into this whole thing. We got to be the token couple and participate in the prayer circle. Never had the words, “give a blessing to those in this company who are searching,” meant so much to us. We sat and cried and prayed in the celestial room. When we returned to Brenna’s bed, our nurse, Elsebet, said she had been inspired to lower the dose of Versed Brenna was receiving. Miraculously, Brenna calmed down and her episodes were few and far between. Amazingly, the head doc got upset @ Elsebet for doing it. But that was the first of many miracles for us.

Oh, the power of the temple and of prayer and inspiration. We were grateful our nurse was in tune to be the Lord’s tool for our Sweet Angel.

In the beginning...

2009-10-04T13:25:55Z

Our family went to Brenna’s graveside on Memorial Day and it was a wonderful purple sight to see. Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and remembrances of our sweet angel. It humbles us to know that Brenna had an influence in so many lives and she is loved by so many. There was even a secret friend who left a single purple flower with a bow on it on our doorstep and rang and ran. Soooo sweet! We loved it!

Just for my purposes, because I’m getting old and have been steadily losing my memory brain cells, I want to record all my memories of Brenna’s short journey on earth. If you’d like to read along, I love to share.

Brenna was a cute, somewhat chubby, 9 year old blonde German girl who absolutely loved to have friends. She was a defensive player on Bob Peterson’s all girl soccer team. Speed was not her forte, but power was behind her foot. There was no chance of that ball making it past her when she was on the job. She would bomb it out of the field every time. She loved it.

Brenna loved to sing, act, dance, ride her bike, play school with her brothers and sister, and act out Britney Spears shows on our front porch for the neighbor kids (when Britney was actually a good role model, of course.) She was a very active little girl.

The ENT said he needed to remove her tonsils & adenoids to help her with her snoring and restlessness at nights. It was the first time ever we’d taken one of our kids to the hospital-except the minor incident of Brenna cutting her chin open falling onto the corner of the kitchen counter when she was 3. The ER nurses said she was the bravest and best behaved child they’d seen.

So the surgery was without incident. However, in the recovery room, I was holding her on my lap when her face turned a strange hue of navy blue. I screamed for the nurse and they whisked her away. They administered Narcan, which reversed the effect of the Demoral they had given her for pain. Poor girl had no pain medication for 4 hours. But she was so brave.

So, the doc determined that she was allergic to Demoral and sent us home with Lortab. I’ve learned since that they are in the same narcotic family. Hmmm. It's not rocket science.

I am not an avid administer-er of medications, so I only gave Brenna one dose when she complained that it ‘really hurt.’ 2 nights after, she woke up in the night with chills and pain. She was NEVER cold. I wrapped her up in a warm blanket, gave her ½ a dose of the Lortab and put her back to sleep.

When Gordon and I checked on her early the next morning, she was catatonic, staring at the ceiling, biting her tongue, which was completely white, and foam was all over her chest. Gordon tried to pry her mouth open and get her tongue where it belonged and she bit him-hard! We were told later that she was having a seizure but they didn’t find seizure activity on her EEG.

My motherly instincts kicked in and I told Gordon to put her in the car. I drove her to the nearest hospital, JordanValley, and expected Gordon to get the other 4 kids off to school. We both called our parents. G’ma Joyce went to stay with the kids so Gordon could be at the hospital with me and Brenna. She’s so thoughtful that way. Someday I'll grow up to be just like my mom.

When I reached the ER door, Brenna’s eyes were peacefully closed and it looked like she was just sleeping. I tried to wake her up, but to no avail. I ran in the door and asked for help. The nurses asked if I needed a wheelchair or a gurney. I said, “She’s asleep, so probably a gurney.” They met me at the car with a wheelchair.

They ran a CT scan on Brenna and had me a Gordon look at the films. They noted a medium sized dark blob on her brain scan and said, “She has a brainstem tumor. We will life flight her up to Primary’s.” Gordon and I just stared at each other for a moment and I said, “I don’t think I’m going to handle this very well.”

Not 2 months before that morning did I say this exact thing to Gordon, "We are so blessed! Everything is great in our lives! We have a great house, our kids are all 110% students, and you have a great job! God is saving up for something."

Shut my mouth.

The Best Mother's Day Ever

2009-11-05T16:22:27Z

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Brenna. It's getting a little more emotional for me as I follow our other kids along their paths of this mortal life. I wonder what Brenna would be doing and how she would look so beautiful, a 15 year old young lady, and how she would be walking, maybe with a little limp, and going into high school next year with her huge circle of friends. I miss being her mom. But I know she is blissfully happy and will be seeing us soon.

Speaking of being a mom, I wanted to share my wonderful Mother's Day with you. My kids were so excited to fix me breakfast for the first time ever. Hannah learned how to make crepes the week before and she and Jordan (for safety assurance) made beautiful crepes. Aaron sliced the strawberries and Kaleb set my placemat and got me a glass of milk. It was fabulous!

After church, another opportunity to realize my regard for our bishop, Gordon asked me how to make egg salad sandwiches. The kids all helped peel the eggs and we grabbed some bread to go. Gordon loaded us all in the car as I was asking, "Don't we need drinks...or plates...or chips...or a spreading knife?" He grabbed the spreading knife and started the car. He drove us to the cemetery and spread out some blankets around Brenna's headstone. He unloaded the FULL picnic he had shopped for the day before (which is BIG because Gordon doesn't shop!) There were drinks, chips, and even a veggie plate. He placed Brenna's pictures near me and played the CD he'd made special for the occasion. He even had a few gifts. We spent hours eating, talking and visiting.

It was the second best Mother's Day ever! Gordon looked shocked and asked, "What is your BEST?"

Well, I remember when Brenna first went into the hospital 2 weeks before Mother's Day in 2002. She was pretty much a little vegetable and couldn't do or say much of anything. My sweet sis, Karrene, sat with Brenna so I could go to church. When I returned to the hospital, Brenna gave me a kiss and said, "I love you, Mom." I will NEVER forget that special moment.

Life is Everlasting

2009-10-01T11:52:30Z

"Through tears and trials, through fears and sorrows, through the heartache and loneliness of losing loved ones, there is assurance that life is everlasting. Our Lord and Savior is the living witness that such is so."

(Thomas S. Monson, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives!" Ensign, May 2007, 25)